


Do You See That Contest in the Window?

by TheStrange_One



Series: 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [7]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, M/M, Mild Language, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, snowman building contest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28167774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStrange_One/pseuds/TheStrange_One
Summary: Wade Wilson is walking by a store front when he sees a flier for a snowman building contest. It sounds like fun.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054064
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	Do You See That Contest in the Window?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nikomg15](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikomg15/gifts).



> It's been a while since I've written fourth-wall breaking Wade, so please be gentle with me in the comments.

Wade sang an off tune Christmas carol as he pranced down the street.

_Yo. Author. Why you gotta do me like that?_

Like what?

_Why you gotta make me tone deaf?_

You’re not tone deaf. You just don’t care enough to keep a tune.

_I want to sing well!_

Ugh. Fine.

Wade pranced down the street singing heartily as he belted out his favorite Christmas carol. On the way he passed a colorful sign that grabbed his attention for no other reason than that the author demanded it.

“Good to know you’re being honest with your readers.”

Shut up and read the sign Wade. The plot needs to advance.

“This is a shitty, short one-shot. How much fucking plot do you have?” Wade peered through the dirty window at the sign. There was a snowman building contest—today! On the nineteenth of December! “Why am I excited?”

One, you love building snowmen.

“That’s not canon!”

Two, this is a group activity, and you’ll meet someone special there.

“Okay! To the contest I go!” Wade hummed loudly before he ran off. Only to turn around and peer back through the window to get the location of the contest because he missed it the first time. “You could have just put the information in my brain, you know.”

I wanted this to be somewhat realistic.

Wade grumbled as he made his way to the park where the contest was being held. “You’re writing a fic starring a man who can’t die and dresses up in leather and Kevlar for activities that have nothing to do with the bedroom, sadly. What the fuck makes you think that you can keep this realistic.”

I said _somewhat_ realistic. Obviously there are going be severe unrealistic elements, but that doesn’t mean you magically have a perfect photographic memory.

Wade reached the park much faster than he should have, probably because he was annoying the author. She must really want the story to be completed if she was rushing this instead of abandoning it for another idea.

Wade. Just. Get. To. The. Contest.

Wade got to the contest just in time to hear the rules. “Teams shall be in no more than groups of three,” the announcer said. Well, announced. “You can use any tools you have on you, but your snowman must be no more than five feet tall and no less than three feet tall.”

“What if we don’t want to build a snow _man_?” a voice called from crowd.

“Snow women and animals that are both real and fantastical are welcome as well,” the announcer continued without missing a beat. “There is to be no fighting, sabotaging, no verbal insults for other teams. Anyone found breaking these rules is disqualified.”

That means you, too.

“Aw!” protested Wade without heat. He turned and looked around for someone to to team with—only to see a cute young man with floppy brown hair and a mischievous twinkle in his eye watching him.

Then, instead of quickly looking away or ignoring Wade (as a goodly percentage of New York’s finest did), the young man smiled and walked over to him. “So,” said the young man. “I ended up here by accident, but it looks fun. Do you want to team with me?” The young man flushed and looked away. “I mean, unless you don’t want to, or already have someone here.”

And this? This sad face? Wade couldn't have that, no sirree. He reached out and pulled the young man into a hug. “Let’s make the greatest snowman they’ve ever seen!”

The two of them had seriously underestimated their competition. Or the lengths that people would go to. The winning sculpture was an armored cavalry soldier on a rearing horse with clear ice for a mane, tail, and hooves. The winning team had even somehow managed to color the snow and ice for the soldier and the horse, giving the armor a metallic sheen and making the horse brown.

Wade’s teamwork snowman, however, looked like the shitty version of Frosty that got told “nice try” before they decided to animate the entire special in two-D cartoon.

“Well,” said his teammate. “At least we had fun?”

“That sounds like a question,” Wade pointed out. “I don’t know about you, but I had lots of fun! Thanks for teaming with me.”

Ask him to get coffee Wade.

“That’s stupid. He’s not going to want to get coffee with someone like _me_.”

“Well, I don’t drink coffee,” said the young man, “but I do like hot cocoa. Would you like to go with me to get hot cocoa?”

Wade stared at the young man. “You’re amazing,” he breathed, and the young man blushed.

“Peter, actually,” said the young man as he held out a hand with a winning smile. “My name’s Peter.”

“Impressed. No, I mean, horny. No, not that either. God! Why does the author want to make me such a spazz? Wade. My name is Wade.”

Peter smiled. “Nice to meet you Wade. I know the best place in the city to get hot cocoa. It’s not very pretty,” he warned, “but they have the best hot cocoa. And do not, under pain of a three hour lecture on the difference between hot chocolate and hot cocoa _ever_ call it hot chocolate at that place.” The young man gave a visible shiver. “I only made _that_ mistake once.”

It was the first of many dates, and it wasn’t for another few months that Wade learned Peter was also Spider-Man.

“Fuck you, _what_?”


End file.
